Darkness is the thickest of silences
by ErectoPatronum
Summary: Severus Snape and Lily Evans were friends, best friends. But she married James and left Severus alone. The night of her wedding, Severus lays in bed, remembering the events leading to this day, fighting the darkness. One-shot


Darkness was the thickest of silences, the fuel of children's nightmares. Darkness was what surrounded him, and it was the Darkness that made the sounds around him seem closer and more ominous. While in his mind, he knew it was truly the pipes in the walls creaking and the crinkling of the fabric of his curtains as a draft blew through the cracks in the stones. Darkness filled his life and his heart, for it was Darkness that took his love.

Darkness.

How simple a word; Darkness. At a glance, it was harmless, nothing more than two syllables. Nothing more than eight letters arranged in such a way that everyone knew what was being described. And no one knew Darkness more than Severus Snape.

The love of his life, Lily Evans, married another that day. The man who made his life a living hell for seven long years, seven long, harsh, miserable years. The man who sought him out in the loneliest of hallways, the emptiest of classrooms and in transition of periods. No, Severus would not call him a man, for he was a child, a little boy who couldn't handle not having the shiniest toy in the toy box. He was nothing more than a spoiled brat, and all Severus could hope for was Lily making the realization of the man James Potter could be. She had swallowed the lies that Severus was no longer the target of his torture, but while they were at school, that was not the truth. It was the farthest from, if he was honest with himself.

Instead of crowing about the bruises he had inflected, Potter would pretend he had no idea why the dark haired Slytherin was walking so stiffly, as though any movement would bring intense pain. He would pretend that the dark circles under the boy's eyes weren't the result of several punches from both the golden boy of Gryffindor, and his dog of a sidekick, breaking his nose in three places and he couldn't be the reason that Severus had been hospitalized for three weeks after their midterm exams for some sort of poisoning.

No, Lily wouldn't have known, for she was so wrapped up in her new _love_ , Severus was disgusted to think of them in love, for he knew she could do so much better, even if it was with him or with Potter. Lily wouldn't be able to see past the lies that Potter told her about the pain her ex best friend was in, and she ate up the stories of him falling down the stairs and how James was just there to help him up. How James felt bad for his misdoings to the older boy.

Severus wished he had retaliated, but knew that if he had, Dumbledore would have had him expelled. So it wasn't worth it.

Darkness loomed over him, nearly suffocating him.

All day he was left with his thoughts, all day he was alone with his self loathing. He wasn't surprised, to be honest. Having told the Death Eaters he was still 'friends' with after school ended, that he was over the red headed beauty, no one thought to come and distract him of the depressing news. Lily hadn't even told him personally. He had found out the date through the Order of the Phoenix, when the couple announced their upcoming wedding. He was happy she was happy, but was displeased when Potter shouted out, "Everyone is invited! Well, everyone except Snivelous that is!"

Instead of retorting, which he knew would upset Lily, he held his tongue and stayed calm, though he wished to vault the table and choke the dark haired man to death. Potter had been drinking that meeting and the last thing Severus wanted was a fight with a drunken man. He had already had more than his fair share of beer bottles smashed over his head. So he remained mute, even when she watched him for a reaction. She had tried to be civil with him during meetings, and tried to get him to stay for dinner after each meeting, saying she wished he wouldn't hole himself up in his dark house by himself. But each time, he declined, stating he wasn't comfortable dining with Potter around, seeing as he couldn't see past his school boy antics. So he would leave, cape swirling about him in a mysterious way.

Darkness placed a pressure on his chest, threatening to stop his breathing.

Then she owled him for a birth control potion, not wanting to fall pregnant too soon after the wedding, for she wanted to adjust to being Mrs. Lily Potter. For she may be marrying at 18, she didn't wish to be a teenage mother. Severus respected that, but didn't wish to help her. So he lied and said he was too busy with work, but referred her to his lifelong friend, Healer Oliver Jones, as she should be examined before using any form of contraceptive, seeing as her family had a history of blood clots.

Then the letters came asking for bakery referrals, because she knew Severus had friends who owned cake shops all over the Wizarding World. And after he answered those, there were letters that seemed friendly, like she wished to be friends again. But he couldn't let himself get attached, for the feelings of love might return. And he didn't wish to burst her wedding happiness bubble, by being obsessive.

And then the letters came asking if she was making the right choice, by marrying the first man she dated. And they asked if she was making a mistake. And when he asked why she cared for his opinion, she said they were friends, and she valued his opinion. So he gave his opinion, and told her she shouldn't do it, for she was missing out on life. For she hadn't seen everything life had to offer yet. But that she should do what made her happiest, for it was her life.

Darkness wrapped its cold arms around him and squeezed steadily. It brought a chill that held steady even though he was cocooned under the wool blankets. The Darkness squeezed as hard as it could, making black dots swim in his vision.

Then the Evening Prophet contained pictures of the wedding, the one he was not invited to and the one he very well did not want to attend. His Lily looked stunning in the gown one of the dress makers he had told her to consult had designed, the fabric sitting perfectly on her curves and making her look very much like the lady she was. Potter didn't deserve her, and Severus skimmed the article, and glossed over the pictures before tossing the paper in the fire.

He wanted nothing to do with the matter. He washed his hands clean of the Potters and now he was thinking of them in joint, for that's what she had just become to the Wizarding World. Mrs. Lily Potter, now the young bride of the heir to the Potter fortune. She was expected to host parties, and have as many children as possible. Severus knew his Lily and thought that was not a life that she could handle.

Darkness sat on his chest and lowered all It's weight on the slender man's bones.

They would be leaving for their honeymoon soon. Severus remembered reading that in the paper. Something about the Americas, and how they would be gone for quite some time. Severus pushed his face in the pillow and the crushing weight rendered him unconscious

 _Okay so I know this is not a new chapter, but I've seen so much Snape hate that I wanted to write a little something that was a little better than Snape deserves to die._


End file.
